apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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