We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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