How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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