I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
