hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
