Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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