; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
