now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
