Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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