I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
