who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I did not marry a roomba.
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