I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I AM VODKA MAN
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
