Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
