And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
