Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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