I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
