remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
