i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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