There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
