i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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