i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize