The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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