And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
