I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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