toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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