Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
