oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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