everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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