when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
