:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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