doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
