Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You took a bar mat shot.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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