your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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