Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just want nice things and good sex
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
