I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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