Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
