Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She said her name was "party"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
