I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
