She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my shit smells like andre
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
