do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
