Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
