he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
