wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
