I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize