and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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