its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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