I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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