The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
