p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize