they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
