haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize