I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
