so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize