whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
