A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
