so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
