Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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