dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
