I puked a lego.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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