Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
