It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
