YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
