Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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