I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
