I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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