ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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