I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
