I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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