Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
