Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
